Ciò che amo, è partire, scegliere la strada. Lo spazio, il presente, l’oblio. La strada sono io, un serpente e, ancora, il cammino lasciato dietro me è la mia vecchia pelle abbandonata. La strada è la vita, un liberarmi continuamente dalle apparenze, uno sradicarmi da me per rinascere nuova, luminosa, un dare vita alla sconosciuta che veglia in me, a fior di pelle, in attesa della liberazione.
Fughe d’Amore di Alina Reyes
Amo come leggo: aprendo e sfogliando più “libri” alla volta. Seguendo l’istinto e abbeverandomi alla fonte che più mi si confà nel momento.
Sono fedele solo a me stessa, alla mia natura vagabonda e itinerante, anche in amore.
Sono partita per la discesa alla mia isola infuocata in compagnia di una ventina di libri, selezionati con cura e trasporto. Mentre mi accingevo a uscire di casa, dalla libreria n’è caduto uno che non era finito nella rosa dei vagabondi. A ogni partenza per l’isola, c’è un libro malandrino che decide di volermi accompagnare.
A questo giro è toccato a Fughe d’Amore (edizioni Marsilio 1994) della scrittrice erotica francese Alina Reyes. Al suo interno ho trovato un’e-mail amorosa che scrissi nel 2001 per qualche amor fou che appunto fu. Nemmeno ricordo il destinatario di siffatte appassionate parole. Boh!
Per vivere così avventurosa e libertina, cari lettori, bisogna essere assai elastiche e obliose in amore: io m’innamoro e disinnamoro con scoppiettante e regolare frequenza.
La mia vita erotica è assimilabile all’attività stromboliana del vulcano di Stromboli: piuttosto esplosiva a intervalli discreti ma abbastanza regolari.
Insomma, i miei amorini vanno e vengono (anche mandati al diavolo).
In un botto dopo un po’ di boom boom!
Spesso nelle avventure molto brevi, ho provato un sentimento d’amore, sebbene fugace o segreto. Da quel che ricordo ho sempre scritto per dire che amavo. Nei miei quaderni, nelle mie lettere, in tutti i testi brevi, nei miei romanzi … Al punto di non sapere molto bene se scrivo per amare meglio o se amo per scrivere meglio.
Le mie fughe d’amore sono cinematografiche, appassionate, estreme e il più delle volte fallaci. Tuttavia ciò che davvero conta, e ciò che davvero mi frega, è come me le godo nel durante. E se c’è una cosa che so fare divinamente è godermela, godermele, godermeli.
Aiuta molto anche essere dotata di terga assai toniche che mi consentono di rimbalzare sul mio tondo culo ogni volta che finisco a terra.
So rialzarmi con furiosa e impetuosa grazia e noncuranza.
Je ne regrette rien risuona in sottofondo.
Non rimpiango nulla.
Aggiungo anche Je m’en fous, me ne fotto.
L’ebbrezza svanisce, e allora?
Le ebbrezze svaniscono pure, è vero, ma ne vengono di nuove.
Si ha bisogno di ristoro dalla serietà della vita.
Per me è amore finché dura l’attrazione.
Quando finisce è spiacevole perché si stava bene in compagnia dell’altro.
Davanti a un uomo che mi attrae, a volte mi maledico perché posso essere ancora come una ragazzina, come se si trattasse della prima volta, la vera prima volta, invasa da un misto di paura e ardimento, quanto mai sciocca. Non è forse proprio per questo genere di miracolo che si desidera essere scelti dal sentimento d’amore, per quella fragilità in cui ci precipita, respingendo ogni altra esperienza nell’oblio e nell’inutilità, ed esponendoci al mondo nella completa miseria e nudità, con il puro desiderio come unica arma per sopravvivere?
Non accetto – se non con affilata accetta – le psicosi altrui avendone già in abbondanza di mie.
Inoltre, se la bua non te l’ho fatta io, il cerotto te lo metti da solo.
Non tollero in alcun modo o forma la cattiveria gratuita che scaturisce da animi in fiamme, da disperazione esistenziale.
Eppure come una falena attratta alla fiamma, bramo chi ha il diavolo in corpo.
Quel demone che arde dentro me, quel malefico che nei miei ruggenti anni ’20 avrebbe potuto uccidermi ma che ho imparato a conoscere e domare, senza più rifuggire nello stordimento dei paradisi artificiali.
Ho imparato a proteggermi dalla furia maschilista.
Provate a ferirmi e io, ferina, vi sbrano con fauci fameliche.
In questa convulsa riflessione personale, avverto un tacito divertimento passando in rassegna i miei amours, quelli tragici e quelli sereni, quelli fuggevoli e quelli meritevoli.
E’ strano che proprio noi, creature incostanti, infedeli, irruenti siamo spesso amate profondamente come si dovrebbero amare soltanto fanciulle irreprensibili e donne “per bene”.
Da dirompente, dissacrante e lussuriosa donna quale sono, mi nutro al buffet dei sensi, scegliendo di gusto in gusto le pietanze che più soddisfano il mio pantagruelico palato.
Stolti i masculi che pensano – su taluni dubito assai che esista persino un accenno di pensiero – di avermi, di “farmi”.
Che immane sciocchezza!
Orsù sono sempre le donne a scegliere, anche di farsi “fare”, di farsi sbattere contro il muro di un vicolo in una notte di coprifuoco isolano e di rincasare fradicia di sperma.
Non ho alcuna empatia né rispetto per le donnine che si fanno comandare e soggiogare dalle pene del pene.
Io sono una sublime amante perché io so amare e le mie donne sono solo queste:
Tutte noi donne siamo amanti, la Parisienne cretese che sfugge alle corna dei tori, Arianna che porge il filo a Teseo e, abbandonata, subito corre nei prati con Dioniso, Nausicaa che gioca a palla e scorge Ulisse nudo su una spiaggia, Saffo interamente votata all’amore e alla poesia, Fedra innamorata di suo genero contro ogni legge sociale, Antigone per aver amato il fratello in piedi di fronte alla Legge, Melusina femmina serpente e anche la moglie di Barba Blu che infila la chiave nella porta vietata, e Cappuccetto Rosso che saltella incontro al lupo nella foresta, e Ondina nelle acque dei fiumi che piange il suo cavaliere errante, Emma pazza di Rodolphe, io sono tutte queste donne ad esclusione di Penelope, tutte queste donne di volta in volta impazienti, insaziabili, ribelli, giocatrici tragiche o felici, gaudenti, fragili ma più forti che fragili, temerarie, libere.
Io sorvolo la vita, consapevole che il giro sulla giostra è unico e inebriante e che il rispetto per se stessi deve sempre prevaricare.
O forse è perché nella mia vita tutto è sempre molto provvisorio. Forse io stessa sono stata creata provvisoria, solo abbozzata.
La mia furia e foga amorosa è un tratto davvero bello e altruista, non mi diverte causare dolore agli altri.
La fortuna in amore è essere amati spesso e svariatamente da chi si desidera in quel momento.
I miei sono fugaci ma intensi amori.
Vivo solo bruciando.
Tutto, tutti.
Anche me stessa.
Non sono mai così felice come quando, distante e ammirata, vedo fallire le mie imprese. Perché significa che può sempre accadere qualcosa di nuovo. Di sconosciuto.
Quanta voglia di essere presa, amata, placata, battuta.
Mi sa che riprenderò il mare settimana prossima e mi metterò in cerca di nuove avventure.
Vi è una piccola isola in questo magico arcipelago che da anni mi affascina.
C’è uno straniero barbuto e arguto che naviga verso quel remoto e aspro scoglio.
Sono una donna da mare.
E d’amare.
Perché io l’amore lo so sentire e dare e pertanto così lo pretendo:
Ciò che voglio è l’amore, l’amore spensierato e quello che rimette tutto in discussione, quello che fa rinascere, l’amore passione, l’amore in generale, il fin amor, quello che vi spinge a superarvi, l’amore platonico, l’amore sessuale, l’amore lieve, l’amore oscuro, l’amore luminoso, l’amore tenerezza, l’amore fedele, l’amore infedele, l’amore geloso, l’amore generoso, l’amore libero, l’amore sognato, l’amore adorazione, l’amore mistico, l’amore istinto, l’amore che si fa, il prima, il durante e il dopo l’amore, l’amore che brucia, l’amore pudico, l’amore segreto, l’amore gridato, l’amore che fa male al corpo, l’amore che fa bene al corpo, l’amore che paralizza e quello che dà le ali, l’amore fino alla morte, l’amore per la vita, il primo amore, l’amore perduto, l’amore ferito, il prossimo amore, perché non ci sono regole, perché è necessario inventare i propri amori, inventare la vita.
Sogni, trame della memoria … viaggi … godimenti … Tutto insieme, mescolato … Scrivo nel mio letto e come sempre ho le dita piene di inchiostro… Amo tutto ciò, lo amo.
L’amore banale, ordinario, volgare, ignorante lo lascio à là Marie Antoniette ai morti di fame/a.
Io mi abboffo di burrosi croissant e la mia tavola erotica è sempre imbandita.
Anche, spero, di veri banditi del sesso.
Perché avere un grosso uccello non significa essere un grande amante.
Vostra sacerdotessa dell’erotismo in perenne ricerca dell’approdo carnale e infernale.
PS. Oltre a bruciare di passione, amo anche bruciare gli indumenti sottratti ai miei amanti.
A ottobre fu una t-shirt in una stufa.
A maggio un paio di mutande in un forno a legna.
Così incenerisco pietosi ricordi in un rituale pagano e diabolico.
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