L’erotismo è la mia ragione/religione di vita.
Seguo gli istinti senza pregiudizi o ipocrisie, oltre le convenzioni e i limiti imposti da cultura, società e morale, devota solo a una sorta di collezionismo, di accumulo di esperienze diverse, tutte irripetibilmente uniche, vissute intensamente e intimamente.
Sono una vagabonda amorosa, una viandante sentimentale, una pellegrina erotica. Batto le strade della vita, senza esserne battuta né abbattuta, con sensibile sfrontatezza, tumultuoso coraggio e dirompente audacia perché solo così il fato, la moira vengono in spirituale e magico aiuto.
La fortuna aiuta gli audaci, recita un detto di antica saggezza.
La saggezza è essere folli, arsi, ebbri di vita.
Sempre in movimento, in compagnia di svariati libri e cangianti amanti, navigando le onde del destino di isola in isola.
In trent’anni di nomadismo, ho vissuto in Irlanda, New York, Venezia e Stromboli.
Per vivere la vita avventurosa, lussuriosa e coraggiosa che mi sono fatta, bisogna avere una predisposizione per l’euforia. Per l’estasi. Per la follia. E una profonda allergia per la monotonia e la monogamia.
Il viaggio non ha mai fine. La vita sì. Per questo non smetterei mai di andare.
Per tornare a riposare prima della prossima scorribanda erotica ed eretica. Libera, liberata, libertina.
Novella Ulissa à la Bocca di Rosa, in eterno frenetico e febbrile viaggio di scoperta. Alla ricerca del me e dell’altro da me. Talvolta dirottata da tempestose tempeste emotive, scossa e sconquassata naufragata sugli scogli.
Altre approdata in porti ameni e primordiali paradisi pagani dei sensi, avvolta, riavvolta, riaccolta nel ventre materno, fluttuante nel liquido amniotico scivolando via.
Non essere mai in un luogo per esserci in tutti. Mai qui o là ma semplicemente via.
Non avere mai un uomo per averli tutti. Uno. Nessuno. Centomila.
Le mie sono avventure brevi, appassionate passioni, cangianti amori. In fin dei conti amo in primo luogo il piacere per il piacere in sé che dà e naturalmente lo ricerco sempre diverso. Talvolta è amore, altre solo immensa passione, mentre in alcuni casi è solo godimento, ricerca, cortesia, momento, noia. Tutto questo amalgamato potrebbe definirsi erotismo.
Scrivo, vivo e bramo un Eros epico, eroico, eretico, erotico.
Mi capitano uomini che desiderano salvarmi – da cosa, ohibò? Dal piacere che traggo e cospargo? – altri addirittura sposarmi, ma io non ci casco perché li desidero tutti senza complicazioni.
Amo collezionare esperienze, amarne più d’uno insieme. La mia è una disincantata ironia che mi fa guardare con distacco alle pretese maschili di possesso, monogamia e fedeltà. E quando mi dicono, oh sì se lo fanno, “Allora significa che non hai mai amato veramente,” io rispondo: “Sarebbe più esatto affermare che non ho mai amato abbastanza a lungo.” Ogni mio amour fou dura fintanto che sento forte attrazione per l’uomo in questione e fin quando sono venerata e amata come merito e desidero. Poi finisce da sé. Non vi è in me alcuna pretesa di possedere un uomo o di trattenerlo con sotterfugi o macchinazioni.
La vita è troppo breve per complicarsela e annoiarsela.
Ritengo che la mia incostanza, e incoscienza, amorosa sia un tratto davvero bello e altruista. Non mi diverte causare dolore agli altri. Ma in primis non desidero causare dolore, e noia, a me stessa.
Sono incostante, provvisoria, abbozzata. E così lo sono altresì i miei amori, i miei scritti, le mie letture, i miei viaggi. Ma nonostante tutto, continuo a ricercare, a viaggiare, a scrivere e ad amare.
Non sono mai così felice come nel momento in cui, distante e ammirata, vedo fallire le mie imprese. Perché significa che può sempre accadere qualcosa di nuovo, di inaspettato, di imprevedibile, di sconosciuto.
In poche parole, la vita.
Rivendico una vita imprevedibile e incredibile, surreale e immaginifica, capace di sopravvivermi ogni respiro.
Io, la mia, me la faccio con un atto d’azione, non soggezione.
Io faccio la vita.
Sono una passion-junkie.
Mi inietto di passione.
Mi drogo di adrenalina uterina.
Del resto, siamo tutti drogati. A ognuno il suo veleno …
Sono una donna dai molti talenti ma fedeltà e monogamia mi sfuggono e soprattutto, mi annoiano. La fedeltà, forse, è una dote particolare, un talento. Come si può pretendere il talento da chi non ce l’ha? come scriveva la contessa Franziska zu Reventlow, propugnatrice del libero amore nei primi anni del Novecento.
Al pari delle mie antesignane scandalose e ribelli, vivo per gli incontri, inaspettati, lontani, diversi. Li sento dentro prima che accadano. Li chiamo e richiamo. Con la mia testa e il mio ventre. Arrivano, vengono quando sono pronta ad accoglierli. Per mia natura, frenesia di vita, incoscienza e passione, mi concedo di assaporare i colori tutti dell’arcobaleno sessuale in una miscellanea carnale e sensuale, fatta di scappatelle e marachelle. Non conosco e non amo le sfumature. Non aspetto l’arrivo di un cavaliere in tuta di latex per appropriarmi di una sessualità estrema, peccaminosa agli occhi dei benpensanti. Io la rivendico e la pratico con i miei amanti. Ognuno di loro rappresenta una lezione in materia di sesso; ogni uomo, ogni donna, mi rivela predilezioni, perversioni e deviazioni intime. Ne ho incontrate, sperimentate e vissute di ogni colore sulla mia pelle, battuta e frustata. Mai frustrata. Perché amo disinvolta, spogliata di tabù, paranoie e grattacapi. Ho imparato a usare il mio, limitato per mia fortuna, retaggio religioso per godere ulteriormente del sesso. Assaporo tutti i proibiti frutti, ancor più succulenti conditi con il senso di colpa, o meglio, con il sesso di colpa. Il vero peccato sarebbe non concedersi il gusto e il lusso della frivolezza amorosa. L’Eros, da intendersi come epico, eroico, eretico, erotico, è gioco, linfa, sorgente. Desiderare sempre oltre. Come pretendo da me, altresì richiedo agli altri. Sono molto impegnativa, alla faccia di chi pensa che sia leggera. Del resto, come già scriveva negli anni Cinquanta Simone de Beauvoir Una donna libera è l’assoluto contrario di una donna leggera.
Io ubbidisco ciecamente ai propri impulsi. Sono lunatica, mutevole, di umore imprevedibile.
Me ne infischio dell’opinione della gente, non cerco di scandalizzare, seguo le mie inclinazioni, rigettando qualsivoglia ipocrisia, consapevole che la vita non è altro che un gioco e un passatempo, pertanto da vivere fino all’ultimo respiro. Fino all’ultimo orgasmo.
Nel mio ruolo di donna disordinata, zingara, svagata sembro essere alla mercé di tutti, eppure paradossalmente incuto soggezione. Nell’amore sono tanto cacciatrice quanto preda. E la mia audacia sentimentale ferisce l’orgoglio maschile perché l’uomo si sente a disagio se ha tra le braccia, invece di una bambola di care, un essere cosciente che lo soppesa e valuta. Il mio è un erotismo aggressivo, primordiale che non chiede perdono e che non si vergogna di attizzarsi senza l’alibi dell’amore. Sono un essere intenso, tenace, caparbio, fintanto sfrontata. Intimamente libera. Stralunata, spostata, matta. Matta di razza, però. Il sesso consente di essere folli, anzi lo pretende per lasciarsi travolgere e stravolgere. Mi tornano in mente le scopate senza cerniera, la zipless fuck, come le definì nel 1974 Erica Jong nel suo leggendario Paura di Volare, quegli incontri casuali e improvvisi, senza legami sentimentali ma non per questo privi di emozioni. Lessi quel libro in volo sull’Oceano Atlantico alla volta di New York. Dove un giorno casualmente in un diner del Village incontrai la scrittrice.
Vivo viaggiando, cullata dalla ninna nanna sferragliante del treno, dalla malia ondosa della nave, dal roboante motore degli aerei ma soprattutto dal ritmato passo dei miei piedi. La vita quale avventuroso viaggio di scoperta di sé e dell’altro da sé. Ricerca costante e incostante, frenetica e benefica. Sono moto a luogo anelante l’ignoto. Sono donna da mare e d’amare.
Viaggio sola ma non solitaria. Sono isola ma non isolata. Decido io quando farmi raggiungere e quando inscenare tempeste per recludermi.
In balia e in malia dei fluttui del mio possente ventre, mi accingo a salpare per una nuova avventura.
Bisogna cogliere e fermare gli scampoli di effimera felicità.
Nel silenzio ondeggiante del mare, solo interrotto dalle folate dello scirocco e dai borbottii viscerali del vulcano, mentre leggevo The Doors of Perception, gustandomi la natura autunnale e sbocconcellando un panino in quota (consentita?!), ho sentito l’attimo. Da fermare sulla carta digitale.
Ogni tanto, addolcita e addolcente mi domando se non vorrei condividere l’attimo con qualcuno accanto.
Qualcuno da assillare al posto dei gatti.
Qualcuno con cui godere del camino acceso.
Qualcuno che mi salvi dalle fiamme.
Ci rifletto un attimo e … NO!
Il rumore che emetto in pubblico, mi risulta assordante in privato.
Con l’altro, starnazzo.
Gesticolo.
Intrattengo.
Faccio.
Nella mia amatissima e preziosa solitudine, sono.
Fugacemente felice.
Talvolta triste.
Come scriveva già nel 1953 Aldous Huxley siamo tutti universi di isole affannati a cercare compagnia per il terrore della solitudine. Gente che cerca la normalità quando essa stessa è la condanna all’infelicità.
Dubito che l’umanità in genere sarà mai in grado di fare a meno dei Paradisi Artificiali, sembra molto improbabile. La maggior parte degli uomini e delle donne conduce una vita, nella peggiore delle ipotesi così penosa, nella migliore così monotona, povera e limitata, che il desiderio di evadere, la smania di trascendere se stessi, sia pure per qualche momento, è, ed è stato sempre, uno dei principali bisogni dell’anima.
Io danzo da sola.
In estasi di natura.
E da sola, me la smazzo.
Sono molto peggio di un’eretica. Io sono una pagana, diceva Wanda Von Dunajev protagonista del libro Venere In Pelliccia (1870) di Leopold Sacher Masoch.
Io sono una pagana devota all’Eros.
Del resto, e di tutto, francamente me ne fotto.
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